YuHeng's blog

At times I forget how things make me feel. I’m just numb, there to accept whatever they throw at me. And what of it? I’m not mindful. I’m not aware. I’m just there. If I’m lucky enough then I register the senses. But if not, I’m not there. I am but my mind is not as the soul would leave the body torn and bruised. But when the relation between me and the thing forms, then yes, I remember what this means to me.

I’m not the image that I think I am. There is no likeness between me and the image. I must possess it, i tell myself. So I become an inner image that consumes itself and me. Because it can never be achieved, so neither does the image nor me exists, for I have already been a part of the projected ideal. This betrays an unconscious alienation. And because it is unconscious, I can only be aware of it afterwards, but by then the feeling of alienation is inevitable, and so, I’m learning to not run away, because the problems will always be there and shadow you. No matter how I look at it, it’s there. I was running because of the shadow. And at this point, Chopin says to me… “Every difficulty slurred over will be a ghost to disturb your repose later on.”

Ai. SMCI is rising too much. Did not expect this. I didn’t really have a conscious idea or enough idea of what was going on. I lacked research because my scope was narrow. I thought I had enough information, and I did–within my scope that is. But what can I do to enlarge my scope next time? To probably ask if I’ve done all that I could. That’s a simple question. It’s yes or no. There’s no in between. So, if its no, then you probably wanna do more. And so I should have. Then I would’ve known a bit more? And three weeks would’ve been reduced to two days. But it’s all good. Cuz I am learning more than I am earning. And that’s the key to the long run. I’m here for long. If short, then I’m gone already.

But the thing is… yesterday it dropped around 20%. So my scope for my regret is too narrow. In the end, the economics of investing wins out, not the short term volatility charged by emotions and trying to figure out the expectations of investors. I did not see this. But through this experience, I was able to see both the reverse and actual event. I learned that I should be more conscious and aware of the current events, and subsequently, I should broaden my scope and remember that any short term hype is impermanent and eventually, fades out. So, of anything, these are more valuable lessons because they need to be experienced to be learned. And for now, I am at the minimal, exposed to it. Exposure…

And yeah, don’t rush in when the timing isn’t great or you don’t really know what’s going on to. The lesson extends into the future too.