YuHeng's blog

The sea, the sea, the sea, with its waves and rocks and wind, the sand, the trees, the sweet scent of the aging wood, the stupor of the warm sun, the slippery, green moss, the ear…

what is free. a free lunch, a coupon, a free life free. I do not pay the bills. But to pay for them, i have to. have to what. sell myself. why is the sense of self so important anyways. I’m just… not that different. the fundamental thing is that you cannot view yourself as anything entirely different, that you are not me, even though you know that you am constituted of me, that you are made of others, of shadows, of… This I is not me, not you, its everyone, everyone whose shadows I’ve pursued, met, and everything that I’ve encountered and all of their thousand combinations and permutations. That’s me. The mold of others. I am them. And most of all, if I think that I am different, I tend to object to anything that is not individual or particular. When we say that we all have our differences, and that the common thing among us is our difference, I think what that really means is that the commonity stems from the I is others, that we are common because we are precisely made of others around us. This is the common thing that we share, that you, me, they, them, whoever and whatever are all of us, such that our selves are merely the sum of our differences. And so what’s differeent is not really different, and I think I believe that. I think that we are all the same on some deep, secret level, but because of our face, our phenomonon, we won’t admit it, because I want to save my face. ie. the mask of another. There is no party ! It’s a farce. Its a show, a joke, a burlesque, a lampoon! Save me, save me from this atrocity. I can’t take it no more. These people are fake. They are dreams that play and repeat like a tangled tape. They are ashes that sweep the bones of the dead. They are people that I have forgotten.

Anyhow, when I think of the underlying commonality, it is their materialization that bears a certain shadow on me. The slow, creeping manifestation of your seeds growing on me. Penetrating, evolving, rising, metamorphosing. And so just as you bear a certain weight upon me, so too do I bear a certain weight upon you, that your shadow becomes mine, and mine yours, and under the moon, it was the three of us… that’s true, and it’ll always be true. The day that I believe I am different, I am the same as you. The day that I believe I am the same as you, you are not the same as me. The day that we all stop thinking about this, we are all the same.

Goodnight. Goodnight