YuHeng's blog

The most eventful, unproductive week. Met up with friends as I do every year. Each year, I’m a little different. But I’m no different from the person that I was a year ago. I say this every year, that I’m a little different. But it’s relative. My difference predicates on my former differences, which is progressive and continuous. It does not form from nothing. And so, each evolving difference is a transformation into a newer me. a metamorphosis. I am in short, beginning to grow out of my shell, and I see others grow too. So, on the day that we have to say goodbye, that we end our college days and enter not the world of the institutional structure of universities, but of the workforce, I would probably not know what to say, because I’ve never been in the workforce in the real sense (working 9-5 or just a typical 5 day work week), and so I would not know how to predicate my future on top my present, which causes me to not know what to say right now. And this makes more sense when I consider the continuity and progression of my difference. If I do not know my future, then what is supposedly my present (the future in the future) would cause me to forget my past (the now that is shadowed by the “present”). Just as the present relies on the past, so too does the present relies on the future–that is, the present of the future, and the present of the past. If I do not know neither of my present and past, then i can know neither of my future and present. In short, the terms present and past have taken on a new ontological commitment; they refer to different times of different necessities; the past must depend on a further past, the present must depend on the congregate of the pasts, and the future must… well, depend on the past and what I currently call the present. So, it’s all a continuity that I simply cannot break into the middle of, nor cut it up in chunks and view them as separate entities. They are all together. and that is as easy as explaining why I simply do not know what to say to my friends when I really ahve to say goodbye. Again, I mean goodbye in the sense that there is no longer any involvement with schools. We do not naturally go from elementary school to middle school and high school, as if life is all set in a smooth progression. Now is the time that I see it is not a smooth linearity; it is chunky but it cannot be broken into chunks, for the chunks are the sum of the whole, of the congregate that the chunks form themselves. It is all too much. this is too much thinking. But if I were to say something, it’d probably be something like this: hey, I’ll see you again.

This past month’s work has exhausted me.