YuHeng's blog

Look closely but not too close. So you see nothing… look far, but not too far, so nothing sees you. K. said that when I say I don’t know, I really mean to say no, which made me realize that even what I say never means really what it says, that there’s a distinct personality that attaches to each word and only the person who knows me well enough in terms of that particular personality akin to the word can derive a particular meaning from that word. So the word is not necessarily what I mean, but it is what the person takes it to mean based on their knowledge of me, which more or less is close to the meaning that I intend, at least historically it is what I have been known to mean.

I’m waiting for someone to come, someone to understand me so I could begin to understand… I think there’s so much to think of another person, so much to feel. I’m beginning to forget the warmth of someone, of a presence whose shadows do not belong to me… Tonight, the moon glows. I think about the prospect that there is somewhere to go, someone to meet, something to fill, and this feeling possesses me, the extent of which I don’t know, because I do not know the ends of this depth or where it ends, or how I can conclude a summation out of a on-going journey. I’m not stopping, am I. So why do I bother, why do I care. What do I care of. Like Kerouac, I think I will realize the meaning of “time” and movement, of moving with and without time.

goodnight