YuHeng's blog

Proper stagnation for a month or so. I don’t believe it. I’ve been so distressed and perplexed, too much going on in my head nothing at the same time. I don’t know which it is. I have found that between oppositions, there are not binary constructs that oppose one another but gradations of scales, from which further oppositions are constituted, so that an opposition leads to another and another to another and o on. I can’t pinpoint which it is that opposes and reflects me, for one is behind another and another, and I don’t know the original from which the others manifest. How I abstract myself and how I formally appear… I try to delineate between what I know and don’t know, but out of this deliberation I think I have found nothing that is useful to the structure of deliberation, of something that is purposefully useful to the whole of the constitution of deliberation. I am only abstracting and abstracting but never the abstraction, as the painter paints but never paints what the painting paints of him… but if we situate a mirror… well, he won’t even look at him. I don’t even know that I exist. So an inner penetration constantly penetrates my mind, erecting an image and the thing of which the image is, is. Well, I can’t say I’ve come known myself better but at least I don’t believe in myself anymore, not in the sense of proper confidence, but that I’m not sure if I am actually here, and I think only by inventing me will I be an invention–of me.