YuHeng's blog

Thought it was wednesday today, then tuesday, then finally monday.

It’s tuesday but I’ll reflect on what I did yesterday.

I went skiing. Last day of the season. Been focusing too much on my form, and not much of the fun. But fun usually comes for me when I have good form. So I always try to have good form. But occasionally when the snow is too slushy or wet, I cannot have good form. So do I have less fun? Not necessarily. I still have fun because I can just ski without any conception. I can just ski because I don’t need to form any visualizations in my head before I hit the slope. The wind just blows in my face and I don’t care about the fact that I care about my form. I still care, but I don’t care about my caring. Does that sound weird? Can I negate my caring by precisely caring about that? For the negative of caring is also caring. Well, caring is no longer caring in the ordinary sense. here, I’m just allowing failure to happen. I’m giving the room for failure to exist, instead of shutting it tight in a space that has no room to grow. This is a digression but it’s the same idea as silence; music exists not because of the notes, but because of the silence in between them. The space is my silence–failure are my notes–and the ability for failure to occur is music. That’s what skiing is to me–to be completely free in the wind, mountains, and the sun.