YuHeng's blog

Oh i just did it i just spent thirty minutes browsing through the most useless things that i think are useless right now but you see thats only right now and i have no reason to keep thinking about it because the continuity of time is continuous so i wouldn’t think much of it if i truly understood it… might keep thinking about it…. im pretty much sold out today ive got nothing left to say its hard to start something when no ones there to stimulate and provoke and interest you. No i dont think i can sell anything that i cant even buy or afford. well afford is really the word for intermediary of buying and selling. Its either one or the other and both. thats the thing. And. it can be both. I can afford to buy. I can afford to sell. it doesnt matter as long as you have the money. no thats not the way to put it. its a context sensitive scenario because i can say no i can’t afford to say that when the afford here doesnt mean anything financial. but you see the philosophers grope themselves and erect pleasures over the contradictions that they’ve overthrown. yet i don’t care for words because the total degeneration of them becomes so… senseless. it is good to understand them and and so yes in the end embody the understanding. but do i want to spend my friday night at my desk brooding over this and come to the nonsense which i cant even conclude. hmm i think i was too afraid to devote a part of myself into something that requires devoting and in short sacrifice meaning the spirit of it. do i lack it at times i do because i pursue emancipation at the cost of something less. This i do not think has been demeaned in me for i see no seeds that grow but deep within myself i know of an arrogance that surface these abstractions and incarcerate myself in them. At times i self destroy just to expunge these feelings… but oh damn work damn its complexes and difficulties the nuances are so subtle that I cant even name the infestation of the complexity of these images. you see how everything adds a part of me and so a bit of everything and everything of that scattering makes me both everything and nothing but in the end you might just wanna say something. I envy the minimalistic nature of Pinter’s works. oh its so becoming. and yes the tropes of his words is quite mesmerizing.