YuHeng's blog

I was at a coffee shop on 15th street and saw Gombrowicz and he said that a a complex man is… something something of a someone who can simplify himself whenever he wanted to. And that most of all, he can also complicate himself whenever he wanted to. I asked, well what makes a man simple. And he said, a simpleton, someone who doesn’t try to complicate himself. His Polish accent was a bit too strong so I couldn’t make sure which word he placed an emphasis on. It was probably try but the verb complicate was equally appealing. I don’t know, so I took them both. Then all day, I had the two words in my head. It was like I’m complicating myself and then I’m trying to complicate it more. But somewhere along that, I think I am also simplifying–that is, trying to simplify. But it could also be that I’m trying to do something, and that something happens to be a process of complication. And since I’m trying, I continue to try without thinking of what I’m trying. Well, I must find a way to simplify myself. Still, am I being too simple by just following Witold’s advice.I heard form someone that I should take no advice. But even taking no advice is an advice. Is there no escape? I don’t know. And I don’t care. It’s not that I’m resorting to apathy, but that contemplations like these reach no end; they have no end. And so they have no beginning. And I don’t know where I’ve started, or when I’ve started. But that it was just like this, and I’m still going on about it; such contemplations only work in the sphere of thought. What if I’m just someone who busts my ass off for some money. Well, there’s a difference between someone who just busts their ass off for money and someone who contemplates but then busts their ass off. But I’m doing neither. I’m neither busting my ass off for money, nor am I contemplating and then busting my ass off. I’m just a shadow, an abstraction, sitting in the shadow of abstractions while I’ve got dinner served on a silver spoon every night. I’m a nothing. You know, a nothing, who knows nothing about the real world. And I would die for if I could go out and meet the world. But as of now, I’m just talking to Witold.